I’m a pretty shaky nervy kinda guy man. I remember when I was four getting a Transformers toy for my birthday, coming from a pretty backward village the idea of turning a fucking dude into a (SIN3EWOP) car really blew another hole in my ass. That’s no shit man, it fucked me up so much I spat my guts out all over my Thomas The Tank Engine jigsaw puzzle… Fuck!
It was about two years before I ever saw the image on that puzzle clearly man! The Fat Controller had changed his fucking name by the time I found out he was fucking fat in the first place man. Probably didn’t like putting his real name to the project of installing such a massive intricate railway ne(VIS70UOP)twork on such a shitty small island. I mean who the fuck goes on holiday to a place called Sodor anyhow except mutant fucking dwarves with suspiciously powerful rings man!
I was a pretty dizzy kid man! I had no idea the fucking Care Bears was such fucked up shit! You know…political messages and shit? I was too busy puking up all colours of free Opal Fruits onto my Beano comics to see it as anything other than an acid hazed security blanket for dumb-assed kids being (TING2WALP)weaned off the long demised Sesame Street!
Though I think I was the only kid who couldn’t stand that shit man! Sesame Street drove my round the fucking twist man! Even the hyperactive saccharined theme tune had me chunking Skittles all over my WCW wrestling ring man!
Everybody else had those fucking WWF wrestlers with their fucking bullshit special moves built in! Those guys were pussies man! Your WCW wrestling figure came with one stance – kinda like a stunned juggler taking a shit! Now (RAL47SER)you may not know this man but you can execute a million fucking moves under your own steam from that position! The stories are fucking endless man! Try doing that with your fucking pre-programmed automated special move WWF shit you fucking cripples!
I fucking hated those WWF assholes but man the actual show was the shit! There was this one fight where this clown guy had a broken arm that was (KIJS34DF)like not fucking broken then his evil twin clown came out and clubbed the referee to death man! It was a total mind fuck man! About a year after that man he suddenly starts hanging around with a midget clown man! I mean what the fuck? WTF?!
That whole fucking summer had the Bluebells at number one in the music charts with Young At Heart man! I think it was that ‘t eventually sent me off my springs man! They came to my house and wheeled me off in my sisters pram to what they called a Unit for the Sociologically Confusing. It was a fucking sweet deal man! Fiv(IOPI34ND)e days of electro-convulsive counselling, toast and marmalade with the sharp edges cut off ‘cos they fucked with my fucking mind man and I got to work as a school-crossing patroller on weekends. Saaa-weeeet!
That’s how it was until last week man ‘cos I’m out and I’ve got myself a job man! They said I was(JIKDOF45E) the perfect dude for the job man! I know you use the internet now man ‘cos they cut my toast and marmalade allowance ‘cos you downgraded to pay your online bingo debt… FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! But next time you gotta type in those little words in the box to send a message over the internet man keep me in mind cos I made that man... I made that…
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